marital relationship – Why Do Some Men Stray into Infidelity? by James Walsh

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009 at 12:30 pm

It’s – ‘Adultery’ and people indulging in such acts destroy their marital relationship while deeply hurting the people who love them most. Infidel people know that their acts are not only wrong but dangerous too, for revelation of their deeds would wreak havoc with their personal life. Yet, they are prepared to take such a great risk.

What motivates them to do so? People of both genders are known to have extramarital affairs, but the circumstances that drive men into infidelity are different from those that turn women unfaithful.

Is the Woman Responsible for Spousal Extramarital Affairs?

When apprehended, an adulterous man stoutly denies the affair or blames his spouse for driving him into committing such an act. Do women really drive their men into extra marital affairs? Some people agree that men are driven into seeking love outside marital boundaries, when it is non-existent in their marriage. Their spouse can partly be blamed for the loveless marriage.

Love and affection are vital not only for the survival of a relationship but also for making human existence happy. When it is repudiated, these lonely people stray outside marital confines seeking self-validation.

Denial of Love Makes a Man Vulnerable

Denial of spousal love makes people feel worthless and rejected and these feelings commonly turn them defenceless and they turn infidel.

Though marital unhappiness makes people susceptible, it is wrong to believe that every infidel person emerges from an unhappy home. Quite a few happily married men are also adulterous. It is individual thinking that makes them so. Men tend to draw a strict demarcating line between love and sex. Though they love their wife, they engage in illicit relationships to spice up life. Basically, it’s the cultural upbringing that determines whether adultery is perceived to be wrong or accepted.

Upbringing and Individual Attitude

Men are known to stray more than women in patriarchal households where the philandering men in the family are responsible for nurturing generations of infidel men down the line. The socio-economic conditions at the home front have a deep impact on the attitudes of the family members. It is heredity in such a lineage, to be strict with the women and encourage men to turn adventurous. As infidelity is forbidden by society and religion, the prohibition incites these adventurous men. The associated excitement of it makes adultery desirable.

These could be the general reasons that promote adultery. However, it is not right to blame anyone, and infidelity is usually individual responsibility.

Infidel Individual at Places of Work

Individuals, holding liberal views on adultery, are more inclined to have affairs in the office. Attraction between men and women is common while working in close proximity. If the physical relationship is followed by emotional attachment, the alliance turns stronger than the marital bond.

Once the extramarital relationship proves pleasurable and goes unnoticed by family, the man begins craving for more of such experiences. Such an excitement induces changes in the brain chemistry that makes adultery addictive. Addiction to adultery then becomes a problem that has to be handled by professional experts. However, it is not the work place alone where extramarital liaisons are developed; affairs can be developed at home too.

Online Affairs Developed at Home

In families where both the spouses are working, the wife spends all her free time with the children. The subsequent lack of attention induces the man to engage in other activities. It is at such leisure times that online relationships get developed. (Cyber affairs are alluring for the secrecy and privacy they offer.)

Developments of such affairs are usually accidental. Though the people concerned lack physical contact, they are deeply attached to their online partner. Such emotional bonding gives rise to intense crisis in the family. The good news is that, after enduring such distressing circumstances, marriages are turning stronger. The spouse of the infidel person wakes up and pays attention to marital problems by redressing them with remedial measures.

‘Adultery’ in a marriage, is a complex issue. Reasons as to what drives spouses to become unfaithful vary greatly and the factors leading to it differ according to gender. 9 out of 10 people disapprove infidelity, yet more than 3 out of 10 men develop extramarital relationships. Human heart is designed to love, and adultery is an offshoot of this characteristic.

About The Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk

Anyone who is married or in a long-term committed relationship comes to realize that at some point there is a danger of falling into a lifeless routine. The vast number of marriage advice and relationship help books is a clear indication that couples are eagerly searching for ways to head off relationship problems and keep their relationship running on all cylinders.

Are marriage problems and painful relationship issues always inevitable?

Absolutely not-there are steps you can take today to prevent marital problems from taking hold and these steps can also help improve an already strong relationship.

Relationship help: 5 steps to a stronger relationship

1. Don’t let frustrations mount

Fact: You’re going to get frustrated with your spouse/partner from time to time– you’re only human, after all.

Trap to avoid: Too many couples let frustrations mount without clearing the air and addressing important issues. Unresolved issues have the tendency to fester and lead to bigger relationship problems-don’t put your head in the sand and assume your marriage or relationship will take care of itself.

2. Validate each other

Fact: As your life becomes more and more hectic, it’s easy to overlook each other.

Trap to avoid: Becoming temporarily preoccupied with competing commitments is one thing, taking the most important person in your life for granted is an entirely different ball game. Make an effort to check in with one another each day. Share the little things with your partner like you used to (when you first fell in love).

3. Don’t let the negatives outweigh the positives

Fact: Conflicts and negative relationship patterns have a way of spiraling out of control if left unchecked

Trap to avoid: Research shows that for your relationship to remain healthy, there must be a greater number of positive interactions between you and your partner than negative ones. Make an effort to acknowledge and highlight any positives that occur between each other-and heap on the gratitude for the little things your partner does for you each day.

4. Make the effort to break up lifeless routines

Fact: Your relationship will fall into predictable patterns and routines.

Trap to avoid: Routines aren’t inherently troublesome; in fact, many couples take comfort in their routines. However, continuously feeling bored and unenthusiastic about the time you spend together is a concern. If this is the case, the routines that once brought you comfort may be squeezing the life out of your marriage or relationship. You and your partner need to periodically infuse novelty into the relationship-stir things up by trying something new and exciting.

5. Find balance in your life

Fact: Taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually will help you be a better spouse/partner.

Trap to avoid: There are many different forms of self-neglect (working too much, repeatedly ignoring signs that you’re not feeling well, consuming too much alcohol, not getting enough sleep…) that will adversely impact your ability to be a present, reliable and responsive spouse/partner. If you stop taking care of yourself, there will always be negative fallout for the people around you, especially the people who love you. Commit to taking care of yourself so you have the emotional reserves for yourself and the important people in your life.

If the idea of implementing all of these steps into your relationship feels too daunting, pick one or two and stay with them. Each one can make a positive impact on your relationship. And if your spouse/partner is open to it, share this list and make a mutual plan to incorporate these ideas into your daily lives.

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Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples live more fulfilling lives.